Saturday, August 10, 2013


"Where there is too much, something is missing." ~ Hasidic Saying
Sometimes it is as simple as eight words that can put your life in perspective.  The above words have done that for me. I am at that place where there is just too much.  Too much pulling at me, too much to be done, too much undone. You know the drill.  But in the midst of all of this 'too much' discover that something is missing.  In most cases it is you that is missing.  The important things are missing.  The things that make your heart sing are missing. Every day you go through the same routine...get up, shower, work, eat, go to bed and do the same thing all over again.  But what is it deep in your soul that is missing or perhaps lost in the chaos of everyday life?
The solution is to simplify. To simplify by defining those things that are most important to you, to your life right now, to your soul. Perhaps this is the answer.
For me it is important that I not lose contact with friends. It is important for me to take time to care and help those that need me the most.
They say the main reason to be alive is to enjoy it.  I have spent hours and hours trying to figure out this one.  I do not enjoy seeing the pain my warriors are in.  Seeing warriors with double and triple amputations and those on the verge of suicide?  But this is what I do.  This is where my calling is.  But how do I find balance?  How can I find that quiet place where love can enter and bring a renewed sense of being to my life? When can I smile again?
Perhaps as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Improve your spare moments and they will become the brightest gems in your life."  Where are my spare moments?  I guess I am no different than anyone else.  I check my email, my voice mail, my test messages and facebook pages frequently throughout the day and the rest of the day responding, putting out fires, propping up those who need it the most, taking care of my senior dogs and attempting to find time to write my next book.  Then I am too exhausted to eat and most of the time too exhausted to put on my pj's to go to bed. There is extreme exhaustion, mental and physical, involved in what I do.  So how do I put all of this into do I simplify? 

Yes there is too much!  And definitely something is missing!  Each week I think I will find just one day to do something...all day....special with a friend...something just for me.  Something that requires not thinking about wounded warriors, dog issues, mail left unanswered, what to do if, when to do it, etc.  But each week comes and goes and nothing changes. Life gets in the way. And each day gone is another day gone. 

Yesterday I met 8 week old golden retriever...almost white...a beautiful luscious cream color.  He was going to live with a friend, to be his best friend, to set his life on forward, not stalled.  Once released from a crate after a 3 hour drive to San Antonio, Bear, promptly shook and walked in the grass, sniffed the air, and I had the feeling that he was just quite simply enjoying the moment.  No expectations of what is coming next, no fear of the unknown, just happy to be alive and praised for doing his 'business' in the grass.  We took him to my friend's house where he walked in like he owned the place, and yes, he now has officially claimed it.

He sniffed each room, found a ball, a sock with a knot in it, and a pillow on the sofa.  He romped, he played, he shoved the ball with his nose, and he would come up to both of us and want to be cuddled and snuggled and told what a good boy he was, as his tail never stopped wagging.  He knew life was simple and good and easy.
 I wanted to be Bear.  I wanted no worries, no expectations,  or guilt for not doing what others expect of me, but what I need to do for myself, my sanity, my soul.
I tell people this and they pretend to understand, but they don't really. They nod or voice agreement, but deep inside they are thinking of the next thing on their to do list, or thinking how selfish I am, as they rattle papers trying to multi task. Because they are so busy you know!
They are thinking that there is more to this world than satisfying her own personal needs.
But what they don't see is that I never have.  I never have satisfied my own personal needs.  I have always sacrificed for others.  For what they wanted, needed, demanded, or what they couldn't do without.  I had to be what they wanted me to be.  Never was I allowed to be me.
I wonder how many reading this have gone through or are going through the same thing.  For me it is time. For me I finally speak my mind.  For me I am exhausted from a lifetime of meeting others needs but never my own. It doesn't mean I don't care about them or what is going on in their lives. But I need my remaining time on this planet to know what it feels like to experience joy and happiness.
Yes there has been too much in my life and indeed something has been missing.  Like Bear, I yearn to be loved and understood and cared for in a very special way.  For me wrong turns and decisions have been just as important as right turns.  Perhaps more important. Perhaps my decisions have been a learning experience that has been worth a fortune.
I whispered in Bear's ear what a life he had in store for him.  What wonders he would see and how many people he would bring joy to in his future life as a therapy dog!  He didn't seem to care.  He was quite simply in the moment.  Not thinking about tomorrow or the next day or his future...only the here and now.
Were it only so easy for the rest of us.  He will never know what I saw when I looked at him.  To me he was a gift, a lesson to be learned and a goal yet to meet.
'Life and love are all we get, so life and love are all we can give." ~ Dan Zarda
I will remember you little Bear. Will you remember me? I feel most certain your life will bring miracles ~ whether you know it or not. I believe you will be a light to so many and the best is yet to be. I feel quite certain that you will not allow your life to pass you by.
There is much to be learned from a little cream colored little dog named Bear.

No comments:

Post a Comment