Tuesday, August 20, 2013


I ran across an article that I had torn out of a magazine and find this morning it is worthy of sharing.
Have you ever thought about why some people instantly make us feel important, special and they light up a room just by walking into it? Some people just have IT, whatever IT is.
I consistently aim to have IT.  But I haven't always.  As a little girl I was horrifically shy and always hidden behind my mother's skirt. I had no clue how to interact with people.  I had agoraphobia when I first married and never left our apartment for at least a year.  Then all of a sudden I decided to fake it!  'Fake it till you make it', I guess is what you would say now.  If I smiled and was conversant and made people laugh then I would appear normal and maybe have IT. It worked.
Then later I realized that it isn't about how much charisma we might have or our level of success or our presentation skills, or how we dress ~ it is about what we do, how we act.  And by that I don't mean what our job is or where we work or how successful we are. 

So I began watching people that had IT and here is what I saw.  They listen more than they talk. You might wonder what this means...well it quite simply shows the other person that they are important. Asking questions is a beginning, maintaining eye contact and genuinely listening and caring what they are saying by your body language.  Be focused 100% on them in the midst of whatever else might be going on or how boring whatever they are saying might be. 
I see so many people who check their phone and their IPad and more. This indicates quite clearly that you are NOT important.
HEAR WHAT THEY ARE SAYING! Try not to interrupt or speak and then only if it is pertinent to what the other person is saying and about what matters to them.
Then when I mastered this, I realized that listening and actually hearing what others say, is a good thing.  We don't know what other people know, and everyone knows things we don't know.  We can learn from others.  And digging deeper this enlightenment makes them a great deal more important than you...you can learn from them.  You already know your stuff. And if you have tendencies of being shy this opens the door for them to do all the talking.
PRAISE PEOPLE no matter what they have done or what their accomplishments are or aren't...praise them, DON'T JUDGE THEM.  Nobody gets enough praise. And when you do praise, be sincere and MEAN IT! You have no idea how much it will be appreciated that you noticed the good job they were doing and the work and effort that went into it.
As for me and the masses, we all want to be around happy and joyful people.  The words you choose and the sullen expression on your face or your distraction or disinterest in what they are talking about or doing is like a red flashing light.
It is all about being humble, admitting your mistakes.  Use them to be 'real'.  Learn to laugh at yourself and your mistakes.  You will be a great deal more likeable and a whole lot more fun to be around. 

I have a new friend.  She is likeable, approachable, smart, clever, and kind.  She makes me laugh.  She hears what I say.  She listens.  She offers her knowledge to me and she calls to just see if I am alright.  And she has a smile that lights up the room.  But she too is fragile on occasion and needs an ear to listen.  She is honest and tells it like it is. This I like.  I admire.  I can be exactly who I am around her.  This is the person I strive to be for our warriors, their families, and my other friends. This is a woman I am grateful to have in my life.   

To make someone feel important and special is a skill.  But what happens is that skill can become real, and you suddenly find you truly do care about them and they are important to you and to others.  Sometimes we just need to smile when it hurts, laugh when we might rather cry, and listen when others need us to hear.  And most importantly, we need to listen more than we talk!!! It might just surprise you. 

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