Friday, April 26, 2013


From one of my favorite books, "It's Not about the Horse ~ It's about Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt" ~~ In it I have read and re-read, "Personally, I have a strong belief that the actual purpose of each and every union we make in this life is for healing wounds." Author, Wyatt Webb, goes on to say that 'as long as this is our mentality, we can't examine what's going on inside ourselves. Instead, we seem to want our relationships to fix whatever we perceive to be wrong with us.' Wise man in a great book.

When I read these words by Webb they really hit home! " I have a problem with this whole 'fixing' concept. In the first place, we are not broken ~ we're simply human." I rarely recommend a book, but this one is exceptional for those struggling to heal. Dealing with your demons isn't a walk in the park, but can be easier with a dog or even a horse. You instantly come to grips with who you are. I truly believe this. These animals show us the way.

Yesterday I was asked what should have been an easy question, "What do you want?"  Okay what do I want, peace, comfort, joy, trust, love, much like many of us.  I am not asking for a new car, clothes, the perfect house or the new IPAD.  But in the two seconds I had to respond I easily and honestly blurted out with tears stuck in my throat, "I want to be fixed."  I was looked at and heard, "How about the real response."  Without hesitation I said, "Okay I want to emerge a new person." Answer was "Now you're talkin'! "
The only way to emerge a new person is to let go of the person you have become.  Perhaps forced to become.  Not the person the world sees, but the person that is hidden underneath years of baggage and mistreatment and mistakes. Again I quote Mr. Webb, "I am not talking about slapping a Band-Aid on the past and letting it fester for another day.  I'm talking about really allowing ourselves to heal from the core of the internal trauma.  The more we can let go of the self-criticism, the higher the degree of healing will be."
So bottom line is we need to let go and clean up of the unfinished business in ourselves and in our family history. I think we all have this baggage to some degree or another.  But the question in my mind is exactly where do we start?  Where is the starting line?   

Perhaps it is today!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


~ "Begin doing what you want to do now. We only have this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake." ~ Marie Beynon Ray
Joe Duket said, "What has faded is already lost." I suppose to some degree we all think about the inevitable.  But we choose to set it aside, as some far distant day in the future.  As Gwendolyn Brooks said, "Conduct your blooming in the noise and the whip of the whirlwind.  It's the last time we'll be here.  And although there is much work to be done and I'll try my best to do it, I still believe in chocolate cake and sunshine."
As do I! But I think I am sorely missing in the chocolate cake and sunshine category. The work part I have mastered!

But what is it you dream of?  What gives you goosebumps? What makes you gasp? I live with these questions daily.  I see my warriors struggling, as they share their stories of war with me.  Stories that capture my heart and make me remarkably sad with feelings of intense helplessness.  I guess to some degree I hear the words from them or their family members and they reflect back to me what I would do under similar situations.  Would I be brave, could I handle the pain, the not knowing, the uncertainty of it all? Who would be there for me?
I care deeply about their lives and their stories and always wish for the happy ending.  But happy endings don't always come, as so many live the remainder of their lives in quiet desperation. So with my therapy dog, Kelsie, we try to present a place where they feel safe and comfortable.  For I know without a doubt that we all need someone willing to go looking for us when we're lost.  To understand our fears, our tears. We all want to find our way home again.  The bottom line is how we deal with the tough stuff. What we care about.  What is at our center. And where exactly is home and with whom?

Perhaps it is as simple as learning to love.  Learning first and foremost to love ourselves and accepting nothing less than to be treated with admiration and respect. And then secondly, learning how to love others and learning how to be present for those, who much like you, have found periods in their lives when they just couldn't do it anymore.  If you are unable to do this, then perhaps for you, healing is where your story should begin.

C.S. Lewis wrote, "We tell stories to know that we are not alone." We all have our stories and it is up to us as to whether they have a happy ending or not.  This is obviously much easier to write or say than it is to implement. I am still trying to figure that one out.

For those times when we feel turned inside out and we want to run kicking and screaming from the insanity of it all, we need to find a way to regain some kind of control.  But at the time there doesn't seem to be any way to do that.  It seems unreasonable and unbearable.  We all have choices to change our lives at various points in time, and sometimes the best and only choice is to not make a choice. 

Choices can injure us. They can move us forward or they can stop us cold in our tracks and then ultimately consume us.  And then there are times when little graces find us abruptly and unexpectedly and our pathway becomes clear. It is at this time that life begins as well as the chocolate cake and sunshine.  

But it is wise to always remember that no dream comes true until you wake up and go to work on it. And never forget there are special gifts to be found in rainy days.

"If it doesn't absorb you, if it isn't any fun, don't do it." ~ D.H. Lawrence




There is a coziness not from a bubbling mountain stream or a sunset on the beach, but rather from a life lived ecstatically.  Sounds good in theory doesn't it?  But who can admit to living each and every day ecstatically? Certainly not me and probably not many of us.  Each new day, as in each new year, we look forward to a new adventure full of promise and fulfilled desires and dreams. But not too far into that new year, we are inundated and inculcated with the same stuff we hoped would never reappear. Then once again the dreams take a back seat.

We are not perfect.  And wouldn't it would be nice to think that in our imperfection we were to suddenly find we are perfect? This morning I would like to conjure up remarkable mental images and phrases that would drip with emotion and beg to be remembered as inspirational.  But they aren't coming. 

Sometimes we fill up the vessel of our consciousness with so much fluff and distraction and so much noise that we miss the whispers from the intuitions in our hearts that are there to guide us, to protect us and to lead us in the direction we are hopeful will find us thriving and happy.

I read recently that "the visible world is sustained by the invisible."  Think about this statement and what it might mean to you.  To me it means that we are dreamers who cannot let our dreams die. For then what would be the purpose? Dreams of that which makes our soul sing, our heart rejoice, and our very being purposeful. Our ideals live in us, just as our dreams are stored in a special place deep inside us where we hope one day to realize them.
From The Book of Days: "There is no use trying" she said.  One can't believe impossible things.  I dare say you haven't had much practice, said the Queen.  When I was your age I always did it for half an hour.  Why sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible thing before breakfast." ~ Lewis Carroll
So perhaps when things look bleak and you can't seem to break free and find the joy that should be your destiny and your right right, try believing in your dreams and you just might find yourself believing in six impossible things before breakfast. Never give up.  Work toward your dreams. They just might be closer than you think.  Look inside your heart and see if you can't find them there hidden underneath a smile you may not have used in a very long time.  A smile that is true and honest and not forced.

I end with a quote that seems most apropos to me today. "Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention.  They are not only telling the secret of who you are, but more often than not of the mystery of where you have come from and are summoning you to where you should go next." ~ Frederick Buechner
Where do you want to go next? Where is your journey taking you?