A PLACE IN BETWEEN NO LONGER AND NOT YET

He was fit and tall and handsome in his pumpkin colored t-shirt and quite intrigued with little Gracie. His eyes sparkled, as he petted her. I asked this soldier about one of the two chains around his neck, one was a cross and the other a silver disk the size of a dime with a tiny handprint etched on it. I asked him about the handprint, as I turned it over and read the back. “I will always love you Daddy. Allie. ” Jacob had worn this since his infant daughter died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome at three months of age. He told me how Allie was now in heaven with his mom, Allie’s grandma. Jacob’s mom had died when he was only four years old. “Now Mom is taking care of my baby. I can see mom holding her and rocking her in heaven.” I told him he had two very special angels watching over him.  I hugged him and thanked him for sharing that story with me. He said, “No thank you and for the work you do with the soldiers and for bringing Gracie here to brighten their days.” He kissed the top of her little head  before we said goodbye.

Greg had a magnetic personality and great energy and was suffering from great pain. He had brown hair and eyes that somehow seemed to show everything and yet hold secrets, as he introduced us to his mom. I picked Gracie up, and placed her on her pink rubber mat on the patio table of the Fisher House so he could reach her better. Within seconds Gracie was snuggled into his arms and he was whispering to her. This response is now common place. I was once surprised by it, but no longer. These soldiers, that seem to wear courage like armor, are learning to make friends with their injuries and often their rage. The common thread is they quite simply adore Gracie. Somehow they seem to find solace and great comfort in this little dog. I remembered reading somewhere, “The brighter a fire the more people are drawn to it.” Gracie seems to use her fire to accomplish great things. And for her, there is no end to doing something she loves.

Greg is one of hundreds, thousands, of soldiers who are in a place in between. A place I like to call “no longer” and “not yet”. A place where healing takes place - just as ‘music is made by the space between the notes.”

Moments like these make life important. Moments that are like people we know and love who are special, so we keep them close! We hold them close because they are worth it, because we are worth it. These are moments I won’t forget. They have become my way of life. All the injuries, all the suffering and pain and horrors of war - all the healing and repairing and struggling.

I watched as a soldier's  mom watched her son with Kelsie, and I was struck by what I perceived as her total  exhaustion and vulnerability. I don’t know what she was thinking, but being a mom myself I can imagine. How many times in my life I have been face to face with the pain of realizing that sometimes there just isn’t any more - we have given all we have. Sometimes what we care most about gets all used up and goes away.

So the moral is - while we have it, it is best we love it, care for it, fix it when it is broken and try to heal it when it’s sick.

We are all vulnerable to this fragile life. It is in this vulnerable place, the place in between no longer and not yet, where we are able to find beauty, compassion, empathy, kindness, and forgiveness. And then sometimes a couple of pet therapists that ask nothing more than to settle on your lap or shoulder and just be there.

As my dear friend Terry Hershey says, “The alternative? .......to protect ourselves from all manner of brokenness and to seal off our hearts and souls with Teflon. There will be no pain or brokenness. And there will be no love.”

Amen!

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