Somewhere between staying stuck, where you suddenly find you no longer belong, to a forward motion you have no control over, you are no longer the same person. Your dreams have altered, your outlook, your heart, your soul appear to belong to someone else – not you.
You don’t want to hurt those that once consumed your life, but change is inevitable. You know the new direction is the only way, yet you buck against it like crazy.
You want someone to listen. You are afraid of the direction that change will carry you, yet somehow oddly exhilarated at its potential. Then you run and hide from it and find yourself miserable, as you continue to peak back out at what could be.
Because in actuality, there is no other way and no other choice. You are being reborn because of circumstances whether an illness, stroke, cancer, PTSD or divorce. It all makes a difference and it all makes you different. You’re like the butterfly.
Hostile places and faces will stay a part of you and your life and forward motion will be built around them. Your days will be full of joys and sorrows, successes and failures. Finding what is true in your heart will lead you to your passion and your purpose and what joy it is if they happen to be the same thing. You have to let go of your story to move on.
I felt the warmth of the bracelet on Jason's wrist and ran my fingers across the inscription, telling of a man whose life was ended way too soon in Kirkuk, Iraq. I gave Jason a hug and a kiss goodbye, and I got in the car and cried for a life that is no more for a young man I never knew. And at that moment I knew I had to do the same thing, cry for a life that is no more and move on. Jason may not know it or understand, but we are woven together. We need to both wake up and know that life with its pain and grief and sorrow and sadness isn’t something you want to miss or pass up. There is a moment when fear and dreams collide and as my friend, Terry Hershey says, “Life isn’t about what you say yes to, it is about what you say no to.”
Perhaps I can be a role model for Jason and help him see the mystery of how to do what I too am struggling to do. I will not let him down. As Susan Peabody says, “I really don’t remember much of what you said. I just remember that you kept coming back. It’s not the message that saves people – it’s the love.”
Jason feels guilty about hurting others and this has become a burden and an obstacle. Step one, he needs to forgive himself. Accept he isn’t perfect and he too is broken. This is necessary for change to happen. He needs to surrender his pain and move on. So do I. We need to feel the fear and do it anyway!!
“Change is a natural process that we must not interrupt by clinging to our familiar routine…for it is by changing that I get closer to being the person God always meant me to be.”
~Susan Peabody~ The Art of Changing