YELLOW ROSES

She was wearing a beautiful corsage of yellow rose buds and a smile resonating truth, strength, and courage, underscored with great pride.  She was pushing the wheelchair of her son, severely injured by a brain injury in combat.  I approached her in the main lobby of the new VA POLYTRAUMA REHABILITATION CENTER in San Antonio at the Grand Opening.  As I held out my hand and heart to her, I was not at all certain what words would come out of my mouth.  What could I possibly say to this warrior's mom that would have any meaning whatsoever? A mother just like those that I had seen so many times before with their own severely injured sons and daughters.

But she made it easy for me with her smile. For some reason, I would have expected nothing less.

I forgot the handshake and asked if I could give her a hug.  She said 'certainly' and as I did so, I whispered a sincere thank you for what she had sacrificed, as well as her family.  Kelsie was with me and I noticed her nudging the hand of this hero with her muzzle.  He was unresponsive. Kelsie didn't give up, but it was no use.

There were many dignitaries from Washington D.C. and the State of Texas, but none impressed me as much as this mother.  This is what the Polytrauma Center is predicated upon.  Helping the warriors with more than one traumatic injury suffered in war.  Their families will be able to stay with them and offer much needed love and support.  This is where our PFHF Therapy Dogs will step in!  This is where I feel certain we can make any day the best day of the week for these warriors who have sacrified so much and struggle each day to take another step, another breath, and recapture life to some degree as it once was.

I will see Cynde once again and Kelsie will again nudge a hand.  And if my prayers are answered she will get petted and snuggled and loved on and whispered to one of these days by a young man who is but one of many who went to war for a cause, a mission, and a purpose only to come home severely injured. I looked at him in his wheelchair, so handsome in his gray suit and tie.  I wanted to say thank you, but he would not have heard the words.

As I write this, CNN just announced 13 more troops were killed today in Afghanistan when a suicide bomber hit the bus in a NATO convoy.  My heart breaks. 

THIS MORNING A QUESTION

This morning a question! 

Do we ever slow down to consider how another person is feeling or to enjoy the simple pleasures right before us?

In the chaos and frustration and aggravation and sadness and joys of everyday living, do we ever really slow down to not only consider, but honestly care, how another person is feeling?

To consider what is true and real and honest.  To understand. And yes to care, to really care.

Do we treat each other with respect, with a smile, with love?

As I have grown older the more I have 'gotten it.'  The more I search and yearn to remove the clutter from my life and focus on those things and people that really matter.  This, at least for me, captures the answer to why I have been put here on this earth. 

I have a friend, a fantastic photographer, who when asked to photograph some of our wounded warriors, indicated she could only do it if she didn't have to actually look at them, but rather focus solely on them through the lens of her camera.  For as she said, "This way it isn't real."

Our differences are obvious.  I want to see, to be present, to witness, to hold close to my heart exactly what is right in front of me and to rid myself of the blindfold.

I find a warrior with all his scars is handsome, beautiful, real and alive.  I find this is where life is.  Where I find sacrifice and love of country and family.  For me, living without scars and brokenness is a life not lived at all.  For it is only in our brokenness that we become human, become alive. And yes, become real.

So today I invite you to not lose sight of caring how another person feels, who he or she is, and to just soak in the perfections and imperfections as part of the plan.  As you race about don't forget to care, to feel, and to enjoy the small pleasures, as you make big plans.  Don't forget to stop, to breathe, to enjoy the essence of this thing called life. Find what makes your heart sing and write your own music. 

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes you don't understand.  Sometimes, sometimes  you just have to remember that "Every hour of every day is an unspeakably perfect miracle." ~Walt Whitman

Today I write this for myself.

PUPPY SIGHS

People cry not because they are weak. They cry because they have been strong for too long.

That describes me for the past several days. Life hurts. People hurt us, disappoint us, leave us speechless and bewildered. Decisions hurt. Words hurt. Choices that others make hurt. The thorns aren't so easy to remove.

We all need someone who listens when we need an ear. Who hear what comes from our hearts...from our souls. To recognize when we are in pain and simply need for them to sit quietly and hold us.

Perhaps people hurt us because we stop living life their way. Perhaps that is the answer. It is the only answer I came up with today, except for one.

Lying on the sofa this afternoon, full of tears and fears and doubts and anger, my precious dog, Gracie, climbed up onto my tummy and laid her head on my chest, as if to say I hear you, I feel your pain, and I am listening. She took a huge inhalation of breath, sighed and went to sleep. The warmth of her body on mine comforted me in a way nothing else could. She knew.

She just knew. She always has. When I am at my lowest point, she is always there. Words aren't needed, explanations, sympathy, or false understanding. Just my dog sensing I am in distress. Perhaps it is that because of her blindness, her other senses are more acute.  But it really doesn't matter.  What matters is that it happens. Odd when you tell people that have hurt you that you are in distress they turn away.

I wanted to whisper and tell her I appreciated her closeness and that it was helping, and it felt really good, but instead I decided to gently touch her muzzle with my trembling fingertips and try to breathe in and out

in unison with her. At last I fell asleep with my hand on the top of her head.

She stirred slightly and sighed again. I felt at peace. Nothing had really changed, but for a while I was able to release my emotions and sleep. Waking would come all too soon, but for a moment puppy sighs took away my pain.

WHAT'S ON YOUR TO DO LIST TODAY?

What do you have on your to do list for today?  What is so urgent and important that you wake up frenzied, frantic and frenetic? What causes your blood pressure to go up the minute your feet hit the floor and you stumble to the kitchen for your first cup of coffee?

As you search for your keys, you mutter something about life being a race everyday...you're always late...there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done...everything that determines, at least  on the surface, what makes us IMPORTANT.  You know we don't have time.  We have our Ipad in one hand, Ipod in the other, GPS telling us where to go and how to get there the fastest.  All the trappings of 'the good life.'  But are they?

My question is does all this stuff excite us, does it stop us in our tracks, does it make us 'exist as though we're existing only for that very experience." as Arthur Krystal states.

I have a friend in Seattle who makes no qualms about it ~ once he was undone by the beauty of an iris growing on a cliff in the mountains!  His friends thought he was nuts, but this is what sets him apart.  He gets it.  He understands.  He holds the secret in his head and his heart.  For him, as Georgia O'Keefe says, "I think all the world has turned into what I am seeing." This I completely understand.  Why not? 

Why not have that one thing, place, person who undoes us.  That entity that is the world to us. Do you have it?  And if you do, do you recognize it?

We all move at warp speed.  Seems to me many of us think that the faster we go the more impressive we are to others.  True?  I guess at one time in my life I could relate to that whole heartedly!  But not anymore!  It is time to find my iris! 

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing ~ Of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

~Winnie the Pooh

Perspective is what we need.  We are just quite simply not all that important.  But I can tell you what is!  Hundreds of thousands of warriors, who with courage, face each and every day of their lives not knowing if it will be their last. 

The tee shirt in the photograph was autographed for me by a Marine.  It clearly tells us what is important and what is on his To Do List for that day~ and every day. "To stay awake. To stay alert.  To stay alive."

So when the waiter messes up your order, or the maitre d' your reservations, or you are stuck in traffic, please take a moment and remember that our fighting men and women are not complaining!  They are existing to live through the experience, the day.

Stop and think what you really have to complain about.



FORGIVE AND FORGET ~ CAN WE?

Sometimes someone says something out of the blue that stops us dead in our tracks. The words cut, the tone of voice...the attitude...the pain...the disrespect. It belittles, it hurts, it shows you who they are in a way we never noticed before, or perhaps chose not to. It throws us off track. It pulls the props out from under us.

You know if you open your mouth, it will serve only to make things worse. The words replay in your head over and over again, and you can't stop them.

Lessons learned, more often than not, hurt, maim, and throw us so off balance sometimes, we wonder if we will ever be set upright again.

Every choice that any of us chooses to make in this life has consequences, some are good, others bad. So we must choose carefully what we say, how we treat others, and how we live our lives. And we must, above all, be prepared to pay the price or reap the rewards.

I remember being told once that when someone shows you who they believe them.

But this hurts. We want to pull the proverbial blanket over our heads and not see, not believe and and more importantly, not accept. So what do we do?

Perhaps when times get tough, we should never bow down to our circumstances. People can be cruel, unforgiving, hurtful and judgmental, but we should never allow anyone to steal our joy to only throw us off course. Push past other people’s judgments of you. Push past afraid. Push past those boundaries!

Okay, I agree. But isn't this just a little easier said than done?

I love this quote I stole from a friend, "Every decision you make ~ every decision~ is not a decision about what to do.  It's a decision about WHO YOU ARE!  So here is the deal, forgive and forget!  It is often easier to forgive than to forget the feelings of being hurt."

"It's a lie to say we've let go of the past.  Nobody let's go of memories.  Each tear is an unforgettable memory.  Each smile is an undeniable mark and each heartbreak is a scar that cannot be erased.  Because really, there is no such thing as forgetting.  Only acceptance!"

~Jerose Bautista

The chaos in our lives created by others is destructive! So perhaps the answer lies in learning to take care of ourselves and not let others steal our joy.  For in our hearts we will be told what is the right thing to do.

"Just living is not enough, said the butterfly, one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."

~Hans Christian Anderson

I leave you with this.

"At the end of your life you will know that nothing you have done will matter ~ only who you have been while you have done it.  Have you been happy? Have you been caring, and compassionate, and considerate of others?  You will see that it is who you have been, not what you have done, that matters to your soul.

~~Neal Donald Walsch

Maybe, just maybe, more people should take heed to this!


Photo Courtesy/Gina Hill

 

POCKETS OF PEACE ~ DOING TIME IN DARKNESS

I suppose to some extent we have all done it...find ourselves walking blind when trouble hits...doing time in darkness.  And yes, we all too quickly discover that it takes a while to get our bearings, our footing.  It is in times like this that therapy dogs and service dogs often provide the flashlight out.  For me, 'my' wounded warriors have taught me what it is like to weep, and they have taught me what makes me fall and stumble and then somehow rise and go on.  Each day with each of them, I am challenged to live with forgiveness.  Forgiveness in those ordinary moments we encounter in life. In its basic simplicity, we are grasped by something so powerful that it is quite unmistakeable. Penny's from Heaven Foundation, Inc. and one of its two primary programs, Train a Dog Save a Warrior provides extraordinary dogs serving extraordinary people.  These dogs whether therapy or service dogs provide a bridge to healing.  Dogs that steal our hearts and nestle into our souls, quietly touching lives where they are needed the most.  There is a saying that 'courage is sometmes holding on just one more minute.'  I have seen it over and over and over again. The slightly tarnished version of our former lives somehow provides us with courage and strength and a stamina that is often hard to harness.  We become more compassionate individuals, more empathetic and more human.  We find consistently that dogs are a catalyst to repairing the spirit and finding the ability to take another step. It is as if our dogs are saying to us, "There is a purpose for your being here; you must hold on."

These dogs bring clarity and passion to ordinary moments! And should we stop and think about it, these moments are our lives.  These dogs,  that are present for the rough edges of our lives, carve out places in our hearts and provide a love that is unriveled. We might find we still have one foot in the shadows, but we begin to slowly manuever forward by intuition and love.

To our wounded warriors with PTSD/MST and/or TBI, their dogs often mean as much to them as the air they breathe. In their world, a snuggle or a paw extended from their dog means everything.  

It is difficult to say where the change begins.  Sometimes it is with a phone call, sometimes with a tear, sometimes an exulation of breath.  But regardless of how, it is a step forward and it is without a doubt a wonder, extraordinarily beautiful, and a feeling that can never be taken for granted.  What is it about these dogs that is so powerful in its influence?  As our warrior's heads bow to these dogs, life takes on a different meaning through words whispered we will never know.

I hope that you all will be able to experience an intoxicating blend of courage and inspiration in

K9'S ~ A THERAPY FOR PTSD, MST, AND TBI. 

The photos are real and untouched.  The stories true and powerful. 

For advanced orders:

POCKETS OF PEACE

K9's ~ A Therapy for PTSD, MST and TBI\

13423 Blanco Road, Suite 218

San Antonio, TX 78218

$8.00 + 1.50 S/H

Payment may be made by paypal or credit card on http://www.pennysfromheavenfoundation.org/

Tax Deductible

Autographed upon Request

LIFE IS IN THE DETAILS

Talking to a friend yesterday through copious tears, I was allowed to cry.  I was allowed to be afraid.  I was allowed to say what is clogging up my heart. I was allowed to be heard and validated.  I was allowed to be honest. The conversation, over an hour and a half, was medicinal, therapeutic, and sunshine on a day I so badly needed it.  Some answers became clear, while others not so clear.

I spend a great, great deal of time listening to the problems of others, drying tears, and helping others to face their fears.  But somehow and sometimes I get lost in the shuffle.  Sometimes just saying the words to an attentive ear is all that is needed. I am still afraid, and still stifled, but for this one moment in time, I was allowed to pour out my soul....and be heard!

"When you're weary, feeling small.  When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.  I'm on your side."

~Paul Simon

As I turned on my computer early one morning a few days ago, about 2:30 am, I found a 'pocket of peace', seemingly written just for me. "Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do.  It's a decision about who you are."  It hit me head on.  I read it and reread it. That is where I have been going wrong, thinking wrong, reacting wrong.  It suddenly seemed easy.  It was clear.  So wanting to sit in a bucket of water, with no one else around, is who I am some of the time.  Many don't 'get' this or want to get this.  So be it!  It is the only way to remind myself of who I am. It is the only way I can think, solve things, salvage things, arrange things, obliterate things, change things, resolve things, refresh and remember who I am.

I feel fairly certain that most of us do what we do to please other people.  We say yes when we really mean no.  We say everything is fine and it isn't.  We ask people how they are and really don't care.  We try to sweep ourselves under the carpet and not cause waves.  Everything will be fine if I just keep my mouth shut.  If I avoid the situation or the dilemma, everything will be fine. If I ignore it, it will go away.  Doesn't work that way does it?  In fact it diminishes who we are as individuals and increases everyone else's hold on us.

None of us are too big for a little cuddling!  A little hand holding when things are rough.  Compassion fatigue is my middle name now, today and yesterday. Tomorrow I am not so sure.  But I will know.  I also know that I will feel better for remembering that I too matter.  That I said no.  That I set a boundary.  That I remembered to take care of me too.

I will find joy returned at some point.  I will make the most of every sense I have.  I will smell the aroma of life once again. Moving at warp speed has got to stop...at least for me.  No more saving things, places, people  for a special occasion.  Every day we are alive is a special occasion.  The sunset, the full Harvest Moon, my dog's head on my foot as I write this morning, the first sip of French Roast coffee before sunrise, the fragrance of a clean house, the satisfaction of finding  that life truly is in the details.

How can you celebrate the life you have...the one life?  Today be aware of what your heart notices~