Monday, October 24, 2011
People cry not because they are weak. They cry because they have been strong for too long.
That describes me for the past several days. Life hurts. People hurt us, disappoint us, leave us speechless and bewildered. Decisions hurt. Words hurt. Choices that others make hurt. The thorns aren't so easy to remove.
We all need someone who listens when we need an ear. Who hear what comes from our hearts...from our souls. To recognize when we are in pain and simply need for them to sit quietly and hold us.
Perhaps people hurt us because we stop living life their way. Perhaps that is the answer. It is the only answer I came up with today, except for one.
Lying on the sofa this afternoon, full of tears and fears and doubts and anger, my precious dog, Gracie, climbed up onto my tummy and laid her head on my chest, as if to say I hear you, I feel your pain, and I am listening. She took a huge inhalation of breath, sighed and went to sleep. The warmth of her body on mine comforted me in a way nothing else could. She knew.
She just knew. She always has. When I am at my lowest point, she is always there. Words aren't needed, explanations, sympathy, or false understanding. Just my dog sensing I am in distress. Perhaps it is that because of her blindness, her other senses are more acute. But it really doesn't matter. What matters is that it happens. Odd when you tell people that have hurt you that you are in distress they turn away.
I wanted to whisper and tell her I appreciated her closeness and that it was helping, and it felt really good, but instead I decided to gently touch her muzzle with my trembling fingertips and try to breathe in and out
in unison with her. At last I fell asleep with my hand on the top of her head.
She stirred slightly and sighed again. I felt at peace. Nothing had really changed, but for a while I was able to release my emotions and sleep. Waking would come all too soon, but for a moment puppy sighs took away my pain.