AN ASSAULT TEAM

Life speaks to all of us.  We don't always hear.

As the wounded warriors pass through my life, I have come to realize that we all go through times where we don't feel blessed.  It is only later that we discover where the blessing is. Where it has been hiding, until we awaken to find it. The bad thing is not a blessing, but the misfortunes can be turned into blessings. 

For me, I am not unlike anyone else.  My mission, if you will, is to love these warriors through it.  I have incredible back up.  I have amazing dog trainers who aren't envious of each other. They are working together as a team with a mission. They quite simply see the job at hand, feel the anguish of the warriors, and go on about their jobs, training a dog to save a warrior.  I have an equally amazing head of TADSAW (Train a Dog~Save a Warrior) who gets it - the pain, the drive, the frustration, the passion. We all have gifts that no one else has.  Together we form an assault team.  Together it works, as we start to repair the brokenness one person at a time.

The courage exuded by these wounded warriors comes, but not always in a straight line.  I find myself asking repeatedly, where does their courage come from.   Preposterous as it might sound in a back handed sort of way, helping people with things that matter to them brings me some of the happiest days of my life.  A warrior who has experienced hell hasn't escaped from the horror of it, just because he/she is home.  This is the time when they send out a silent, or perhaps a not so silent, prayer saying, "Help me. I can't do it alone." This is when they pick up the phone and with a quivering voice ask us for help. Mission accomplished.

Then they find there is a dog, standing close by saying, "Show me what it is you want me to do."  It is then the answer comes.  Sometimes life speaks to us and we don't always hear.  It is bigger than the warrior and the dog.  It is about life lessons.  It's about struggles, pain, laughter, love, healing and about paying attention to those who need us the most.  Strangers living and struggling the best they can often give up.  It as at this time that we have no choice but to step in and give back.  Exposing and discovering the truth and filling their hearts with hope and a little dog has no guarantees, but it is all we have to give. 

But suffice it to say,  the odds are in their favor.  This dog becomes a secuirty blanket wrapped around the warrior.  Struggling with chronic depression, isolation, and fear, the warrior might find his dog upside down on the sofa wanting nothing more than a belly rub. Or standing at the foot of the bed with the leash in his mouth, as if to say, "Okay let's get outta here and talk a walk in the fresh air."  It is then that peace and sanctuary are found in the most uncomplicated unbelieveable place. You see the dog doesn't give up on the warrior. No matter what, they are team and there is a kind of recentering that takes place.  It is then that it is time to 'let go'.  It is then that we see that home has nothing to do with a house.

The dog provides a gift of freedom and shelter that these men and women so desparately fought for.  It is then that we all should gasp!  For it is then that we are looking smack dab into the middle of courage.

So for today...take a stand. Even if you are the only one.  There are people out there who are waiting for you, needing you more than you will ever imagine.

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"Great things are done when men and mountains meet."

~William Blake

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE CARE

"NEVER DOUBT THAT A SMALL GROUP OF COMMITTED PEOPLE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.  INDEED, IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT EVER HAS ." ~ UNKNOWN

It is the degree of character.  It is the depth of commitment.  It is devotion.  It is the quality of your service.  It is your passion. It is your ability to care. 

In a hundred years, it won't matter what kind of car you drive, what size house you live in, or what your bank balance might be.  What will matter is that you made a difference in a life. That you cared enough about someone, other than yourself, to understand the honor in giving.  And that, that honor is enough. 

How often do you see people standing on the sidelines?  Watching, observing, doing nothing. They grumble and complain and turn up their noses at society, the government, the life they live.  They make noise but do nothing.

Making a difference is a marriage of the people who care, who contribute the best that they have toward creating a person, a world, that is substantially improved because they cared.  This caring carries with it peace.  To many, many who have only known suffering and pain and whose spirits are beaten, it is up to us to help them find peace.  Albert Camus said, " Peace is the only battle worth waging."  People don't get better because you talk about it.  They get better because you cared enough to help them, to reach our your hand and offer your heart.  To be there for them when they are struggling.  To be there for them when they hurt, are in pain, are afraid, are alone.  Be there for them with a hand to hold and a heart that hears and understands.

This is what Penny's From Heaven Foundation and Train a Dog ~ Save a Warrior is predicated upon.  Being there.  Being present.  Answering the call for help when it comes.

A young woman, a former medic, from OIF called me yesterday.  She wants to save her marriage, her family, her life.  She wants a life.  A life free of fear, free of anxiety.  She wants to go to her daughter's graduation on a plane that she is not afraid of getting on.  She wants to be able to stand in the airport in the Vermont hub and see 'boots on the ground' heading off to Iraq/Afghanistan without fearing for their future and becoming paralyzed with a panic attack.

I listened.  I heard.  She said she had called at least ten other organizations advertising service dogs for PTSD.  They either did not answer, they didn't care, were too busy to listen, an answer phone picked up, or they wanted money, and it would take years.  How sad.

Within 30 minutes three people from TADSAW (Train a Dog ~ Save a Warrior) had called her, talked to her, and listened.  She now has hope.  What a huge word that is!  Hope.  For 6 years she has continued the battle that came home with her from Iraq.  She hid it from her husband.  She struggled with this hell alone.  Now she has his support and she has been given the gift of hope.

Those who have borne the battle, carried it home, need our help. If we can offer a dog that will open a door to a new and less fearful life, it is our honor. Perhaps now she will not have to go inside herself to nurse her wounds.  

Our warriors returning with PTSD try to escape their thoughts, their feelings, having to think or escape themselves.  They fear being alone, the cell phone, a restaurant, a shop.  They connect to everyone but themselves.  So when things break up and fences fall over and desperation and powerlessness slink in, TADSAW is here.  And perhaps, just perhaps with a service dog by their side life will not be quite so bad.  Don't we owe them that much? 

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www.tadsaw.org

Please contribute and help us save a warrior.

SITTING IN AMAZEMENT

Each Spring for as long as I can remember, the tree ducks fly in like clockwork. When they arrive, you can  almost hear the sound of trumpets, heralding the beginning of a new season.  The neighbors are alerted and phone calls begin.  There is a frenzy created, as eyes peaking out of windows watch for which neighborhood tree  will be blessed with the nesting couple. Here in the middle of suburbia we have ducks nesting in trees.  Not such a big deal to some I suppose, but to us it is.

A few nights ago they landed on my neighbor's roof.  I sat in my back yard, camera focused to record the event.  They stood almost posing for me, their old friend, almost as if to say 'How's it been? Long winter huh?'

As I sat there I  observed, contemplated, and wondered with amazement.  Where had they spent the winter?  How do they consistently find their way back to the same state, city, neighborhood, street, and tree each year?  I had no answers, but only to marvel and be amazed. 

It is mysterious this phenomena. It is my deepest belief that he who cannot sit in amazement and feel this emotion is seriously lacking. Albert Einstein said, "The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious.  It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.  He who knows it not and can no longer wonder, no longer feel amazement, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out can."  Who am I to disagree?

Today, this Easter Sunday, I invite you to sit in amazement.  Amazement at the smallest details that surround you. Sometimes reality is better than television, movies, and yes, even dreams. Defined as a state of wonderment, surprise or astonishment, amazement is a beautiful thing.  It can be captured in the complex and in the most simplistic.  But don't allow yourself to miss out.  Today be amazed!

Happy Easter.

WHO SAVES THE HERO?

"A HERO ~ An ordinary person facing extraordinary circumstances and acting with courage, honor, and self-sacrifice."

I listen.  I listen intently. Not being twenty anymore,  I don't always remember, but I do listen.  I scribble down words on napkins, menus, backs of envelopes, anywhere about comments I hear, signs, things, people, strangers, places, observations, and thoughts.  Today I recall lyrics from 'SAVE THE HERO' with Beyonce.  "Who is there to save the girl after she saved the world? Who is there to save the hero?"

It got me to thinking. I am surrounded by heroes.  Friends, people I love and that love me back, that won't let me down no matter what.  Strangers that smile out of nowhere when I pass them on the street. My Kelsie whose head is resting warm and content on my leg, as I type this morning. The soft breathing of Gracie in her snugly little bed next to my desk, after a day of hunting Easter eggs with wounded warrior's children.  And I am surrounded by people who go out of their way for people they don't even know.  People who pray for a little dog they have never met that is fighting for his life. People who are struggling with him, willing him to live. People who are kind and compassionate and full of joy in giving to others, asking nothing in return.  People who exude the right stuff, the right vibes, the good feelings. People who are not absorbed in themselves and negativity. And I am surrounded by 'our' warriors, who put themselves last, to protect and defend this great nation.

" I believe we need heroes, I believe we need certain people who we can measure our own shortcomings by."

~Richard Attenborough

I am a better person because of the heroes around me.  I totally believe that. From them I have learned compassion, generosity, forgiveness, reconciliation, giving, loving, and self improvement.

Recently I listened as a Stage Four cancer patient on the telephone spoke to me of her deep and abiding love of her animals, "God put these little critters on earth to teach us how to treat each other."  Wow!  I could not agree more. How beautifully the words of this legacy.  I will leave it to you to make of this as you will. Those of you with pets will understand.  And those of you without...well I hope someday you will find your own little critter to teach you how to treat others.

Today on this day before Easter, I invite you to think of who your heroes are.  Who inspires you and motivates you to become a better person?  Who do you give back to willingly without asking anything in return?  When any of us are under hostile fire to whom do we turn?  Heroes don't brag or toot their own horn.  As Jean Rousseau said, "Heroes are not known by the loftiness of their carriage; the greatest braggarts are generally the merest cowards."

So for now, for today TADSAW is there to save a hero, save a warrior.  One at a time.  For that is all we can do.  It is the least we can do.  It is the most we can do.  It is what we must do. 

If you would like to help save a hero please visit http://www.tadsaw.org/ .  Donations are tax deductible and greatly appreciated.  100% goes to save a hero!

HAPPY EASTER AND PASSOVER EVERYONE!

 

GUARDEDLY OPTIMISTIC

Gifts come in various ways, shapes and forms.  On this Good Friday I was given a gift of just two words.  "Guardedly optimistic!" 

Gunny, a TADSAW (Train a Dog ~ Save a Warrior) service dog in training has been critically ill.  He was given a  diagnosis of probable distemper, with a longevity of two to three days at the most. Today is day four.  After a zillion phone calls back and forth to the veterinarian, today we received "Guardedly optimistic."  I will take it!

This dog is a fighter.  He has the finest medical care available.  His trainer and her husband's lives, as well as their personal family dogs, have been turned topsy turvy caring for Gunny, bleaching everything in sight, force feeding him, and watching him night and day for signs both good and bad.  He is not out of the woods yet.  But prayers and excellent care are working so far.

Sometimes you just have to believe!  Sometimes believing is all you can do  ~ believe and pray.  Gunny has had plenty of both on his behalf. 

I am the visionary.  I want the fairy tale ending.  I want the dog to break free from this horrific virus he has contracted from a previous life, a life lacking in love and care.  I want this dog to go to his warrior that is consumed by PTSD and each strengthen the other. I want the 'happily ever after.'

Whether we get the fairy tale ending remains to be seen.  But if wishing makes it so.......

Today Gunny ate without being force fed.  He sat on the back porch of his trainer's home and saw a squirrel jumping from tree to tree.  He got up and ran and chased it, almost catching it.  He picked up his tennis ball on a rope and took it to his trainer.  She tossed it a few yards, and he retrieved it, dropped it at her feet and repeated the process.  Then he sat down, seemed comfy and dozed lazily in the sunshine.  We celebrated this baby step.

He wants to live.  He has no way of knowing, but there is a young man out there waiting for him.  Needing him, just as Gunny needs him. A young man who also was a fighter in a war far away.  He paid the price and is struggling.  The similarities are striking.  Please God let them meet and  live to nourish each other and to teach all of us what returning to life is all about.

Today my Christmas Cactus is full of brilliant pink blossoms.  It is Good Friday.  I am taking this as a sign.  A sign that this dog will survive to snuggle close to a young man who has found that the war doesn't end when you come home ~ it just begins. 

GUNNY ~ The Fight of his Life

It's about life lessons.  It is about pain, laughter, love, healing.  It's about paying attention to the gifts we have been given.  It is about living each day the best we can.  And it is about giving back. It is about acceptance. And if we are lucky, we might just discover the truth.  One of which is that life has no guarantees.

Today I learned not to give up on someone or something.  I am struggling.  I am hurting.  I am feeling things I don't want to feel. Today it seems that repairing the brokenness in others becomes way too personal for me. Our little service dog in training Gunny is fighting the battle of his life ~ for his life.  I want to fix him.  I want to give someone anything I have to save this dog's life.  I haven't quit praying for Gunny and all the others like him that have never experienced love.  He now knows what it is like.  I pray it is not too late.  It isn't right. It isn't fair. He needs to live to save the life of a warrior who needs him as much as Gunny needs him.  I love this dog's spirit, soul, and heart.  This dog with a coon skin hat.

Our service dogs are like a protective coating, blankets wrapped around their warriors. But for now all I want in the world is to put a protective coating around Gunny and not let him leave this world ~ not yet. Not so soon.

Today I have to say, "Thy will be done."  And then listen and wait and pray. Today I need the gift of courage. I wish I could go out and buy sanity and serenity.

OVERSACRIFICING

"It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living." ~ Anonymous

Have you ever been in a place somewhere between bafflement and faith? You are not stuck exactly, but not completely sure where you are going.  Sometimes I find myself playing a game of eenie-meenie-miney-moe, while trying to deliberate between knowing exactly what I want, versus digging my heals in and changing nothing.

Remember Alice in Wonderland?  Alice found by eating the magic mushrooms her size changed.  This I understand. Some days I feel very small and then others quite big. Some days strong and some days weak.

I guess to some degree we are all balancing what we are now and what we want to be or become, or should be in someone else's eyes.  It is all quite dizzying. 

Okay, here is the deal.  I oversacrifice my life for others. It's not a secret. Friends tell me, professionals tell me, doctors tell me. And oddly enough, I tell me!  This behavior is hard to indulge. It is also equally hard to get rid of. I want to stop, but don't, or can't, or won't. Or there may be guilt involved.

False niceness is sabotaging and needs to be shed, removed, gotten rid of.  It is then that you find who is really there for you in the long haul.  Excuse me if I have to say that this is liberating, freeing.  It is like spreading your wings and flying high in the clouds with a background of bird egg blue sky. Perhaps removing the falseness will make room for the more important things. And perhaps it is in this place that you find joy.

The desire to be everything to everyone blocks our flow.  Who we really are vanishes in the process. But how do you say no?  How do you set the boundaries?  How do you get rid of the 'stuff' and people that drag you to the depths?

Okay, so what is the payoff, our payoff, to remaining stuck?  Ahh.  That is the question that needs thought. That is the question that needs answering.  Listen to your heart.

My Gracie, in the photograph, is who I want to emulate.  Almost completely blind, she is joyful at the least little thing.  From a running jump into my lap every morning, as I race to get the coffee cup out of the way.  She gets her 'snuggle' and her 'settle' and as if to say thank you, jumps off my lap and races around the room, as if she is saluting another beautiful day, by simply running for joy.  I want to feel that way. 

Gracie opens my heart in ways that nothing else can .  As she stretches out upside down on my lap to get her tummy scratches, she is at peace.  She can also be irritating beyond belief in her indefatigable pursuit of being the single most stubborn creature on earth.  But this I admire.  She knows what she wants.  She knows who she is.  And she is perfectly content with that.  Others might find her a bit of a challenge and overwhelming at times, but she doesn't care. She doesn't change her core spirit, and that is just fine. Why can't we all be that way?

Why can't we all find our river and just go with the flow - without having to change direction constantly to suit someone else's needs, wants or desires? Perhaps as we find our true internal guide we can shake the fruit tree and reality will be delivered.

As a creative spirit, I must have downtime, time to do nothing! Withdrawl is mandatory.  Without this period of recharging and solitude,  I become depleted.  But others don't always, or shall I say seldom, understand this.  I am considered aloof, unapproachable, and more frequently intimidating.  The tendency is to say 'I'm sorry.' But I don't.  This is who I am.  And I will not apologize.  There are times that I quite simply need to nurture myself.  I refuse to make a virtue out of depriving myself of what I need the most.  Others will need to understand or get out of the way.  Sounds a bit strong I suppose or perhaps selfish, but what good am I to anyone, if I am not who I am to myself?

So no excuses, no suffocating in the quagmire of what others think we should be, or say, or do.  Today I will listen to Gracie and I will listen to that still small voice inside of me that says, 'I am enough.'

IN THE MIDST OF WAITING

Waiting is something that can be learned in a garden.  Each  morning and afternoon I venture to the newly planted vegetable garden to see the progress and visit with a squirrel I have named Fred, as he digs holes to bury next seasons dinner.  He is irritating, and I have conversed with him about it, but he is no less a part of nature than the white wing doves, observing it all from their nest in the oak tree just above the yellow tomato blooms.

I wait for the vegetables to be ready to be picked, Fred waits, most likely to try and beat me to them, and the mother dove waits for her babies to hatch. Perhaps it is in this waiting that we find life. 

It is 6:30 am and the birds are chattering outside my bedroom window, telling me it is time to get up, as is a cold nose nudging my arm under the blanket.  Spring is everywhere. The yellow Forsythia blossoms are vibrant butter yellow.  The pansies are showing their most beguiling faces and the herb plants are at their most fragrant.  It is the time we have waited for all winter.

But in the midst of this it is learned that last week two more of our warriors committed suicide.  They could no longer take the pain of PTSD.  This news has shattered the lives of warriors I personally know here that were  friends of these young men.  How do they overcome this horrific news? How do any of us? How I wish it could have been different.  How I wish I could have somehow helped. 

I don't have the answer.  I don't know who does.  This morning I pray for these young men, and I pray for their families.  And I listen to the birds. I listen to Springtime. I listen to life.  And I cry.

"A bird does not sing because it has an answer.  It sings because it has a song." ~Chinese Proverb

GIVE ME A HOME WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM

What exactly does a 'Therapy Buffalo' do?  I hear this over and over and over again.  I have thought about it at great length and have no concrete, specific answers.  What I can tell you is that "Bunky," Train a Dog ~ Save a Warrior's largest and grandest therapist, indeed does make a difference.

Okay, what kind of a difference does he make?  To begin with, he is a catalyst to get our wounded warriors and their families, that have never seen a buffalo much less been close to one, out of their rather closed environment and daily rituals of medical appointments, sitting, waiting, and all too frequent isolation and pain, which leads to depression.  Just the thought of a day in the country, in the fresh air, in the country they sacrificed so much for, brings them out of the shell they are living in, to feed a pellet of two to a buffalo and to pet his nose.

There is no scarcity of joy and laughter at the ranch.  Bunky will come when called and is more than eager to stick out his tongue to accept a bit of hay or a pellet.  There is no rehearsal, no anxiety, no deadlines of 'hurry up and wait.'  There is just a slight breeze, a clear South Texas blue sky, and perhaps an occasional thought of buffalo and Indians and days gone by.  Bunky delights in bringing light to the dark places. Or so we wish to think. He, without a moment's hesitation, changes moods, lightens burdens, and has a way of  making a difference.

Much the same as a Therapy Dog and their abilities of non judgmental acceptance.  These warriors have been through hell.  Returning to a country they sacrificed dearly for.  Some return with missing limbs, some with severe burns and some with missing hearts!  They have to learn how to be a part of a life that is foreign to them.  They left one person and have returned to us quite another.  The shrapnel of war is left in bodies, as well as in hearts. Isn't it the least any of us can do to try whatever we can to say thank you, to say welcome home, to say we are grateful, and to offer no judgement, merely acceptance and love. 

"What is life?  It is the flash of a firefly in the night.  It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset." ~Crowfoot

It is a peaceful environment  where the only distractions are horses, cats, dogs, and fish ponds, where owls and coyotes serenade at night.  Where the warrior's children run and play and, at least for a while, remember that they are children in a space free from worry, anxiety and concern for a parent struggling to remember who he is or families who might fight to keep from drifting apart.

Once the bison was food, clothing, life and shelter to the Indians, in a place and time when thousands of these magnificient creatures darkened the rolling plains. Today at least one of these highly intelligent animals is providing a different kind of life to some of the men and women who have, with courage and bravado, provided us with safety in  this great country where the buffalo once roamed and seldom was heard a discouraging word!

Today I truly wonder if their glory does indeed exceed ours. Perhaps herein lies the answer.

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Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam

Where the deer and the antelope play

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day

Home, home on the range

Where the deer and the antelope play

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day

How often at night where the heavens are bright

With the light of the glittering stars

Have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed

If their glory exceeds that of ours

Home, home on the range

Where the deer and the antelope play

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day

Then give me a land where the bright diamond sand

Flows leisurely down to the stream

Where the graceful white swan goes gliding along

Like a maid in a heavenly dream

Oh I would not exchange my old home on the range

Where the deer and the antelope play

Where the seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day.

SITTING ON YOUR HUMPTY DUMPTY

This post came across my facebook page this morning! "Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell, God has laid out your future but that doesn't mean you should sit back on your humpty dumpty and wait for your blessings to ring your door bell. Take action. If you want to go back to school, get a better job, lose weight, have a better relationship with your family, etc. God has blessed you with a sound mind. Now use it to get those blessings your God promised. Make it a blessed day!"

Sitting on your humpty dumpty!  I love it.  I will make this my new favorite statement!   I have a desk piled with to dos.  I have a garage that is in serious need of cleaning.  I have closets bursting with trivia.  I have 'stuff' to do, 'stuff' to clean, 'stuff' I have put off.  I have 'stuff.'

But I also have this overwhelming problem.  I want to make a difference.  I want to leave a legacy.  I want to leave the world a little bit better, because I was here. But then there are the interruptions, the incessant, continuous interruptions.  Gaps if you will. Gaps in the day, the week, the year.  Gaps that take us away, pull us away from what we really want to be doing.  What we really need to be doing.  What makes us fulfilled, better people, compassionate people, loving and caring and giving people.  Damn gaps anyway!

At any moment there are a thousand things we should be doing.  Things we convince ourselves we must be doing, because without our doing them...well what would people think?  But you know what?  At any given moment there are also a thousand things we could be loving! If only we could get up off of our humpty dumpty, open our eyes, and see!  Really see!

As taxes loom, the garage beckons, weeds wait to be pulled, and on and on, this morning I want to make a difference.  I have a project in mind....actually three!  And I am taking action.  I am off of my humpty dumpty and by golly....I will succeed.  I will make them happen.  I am blessed.  Trapped in the silence of the wee small hours of the morning, when life is still, and the only thing I hear is the breathing of my two dogs, punctuated with an occasional sigh, I have ideas.  Some fall off of me and then some stick like glue.  These are the ideas I can't shake.  These are the ones that put the rest of my life on the back burner. 

So this morning I invite you to listen to your heart.  Listen to what you are being told.  Listen to what it is that you really want to do, feel like doing....if only.  Dump the if onlys!!!  Go for it.  This just might be what lights up your day, your life.  Is it really so important to attack your to do list?  Isn't it more important to get up off your humpty dumpty and make a difference in this life. Take a leap, tell someone how much you love them, snuggle your dog and mean it,  raise your arms into the air and trust!  Trust you will be caught, trust that you are taking control of your life, trust that the answers will come.  And guess what? In the process you just might find that you discover who you are - who you really are.

One of my favorite quotes, I choose to live by. "If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.  If you wish to know that you are safe, cause another to know that they are safe.  If you wish to better understand seemingly imcomprehensible things, help another to better understand.  If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to  heal the sadness or another of another." ~Tenzin Gyatso

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"There are those whose lives affect all others around them.  Quietly touching one heart, who in turn, touches another.  Reaching out to the ends further than would ever know."

~William Bradfield

THERE COMES A TIME...

"As much as we struggle to do small things, great and grand things we come to that place in the road where we suddenly or finally realize we can't do it without help.  Help from others.

I know I am at that point in my life that it is unmistakeable. Some days I struggle.  Some days I flounder.  Some days I want to relinquish the reigns to someone, anyone, else.  But then something happens that makes me realize the value and importance of my actions.  There are those whose lives affect all others around them.  Quietly touching one heart, who in turn, touches another.  Reaching out to the ends further than we would ever know." ~William Bradfield

Okay, in theory, I agree.  That should be obvious to me by a life spent in service to others. But there also comes a time to let go.

Today I let go.  Sometimes dreams crash into the ground.  After a sleepless night of pondering the shoulds, the should nots and the what ifs, the decision was made.  By no means easy, quite the contrary.  Letting go can be excruciating, but the only answer for me, my sanity and my health is to let go.

Releasing attachments and moving on to your happiest life is grueling for someone like me.  Sometimes holding on makes us stronger, but upon closer evaluation it takes great strength to let go.  For in letting go you are accepting the things you cannot change.  Letting go can be a beginning, as you find you have to let go of some of your cherished beliefs and goals and passions.  Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough.  Letting go is not giving up, it is moving on.

A friend wrote on Facebook this morning, "Only we hold our destiny in our hands.  We have the choice to pick any path we want to go down.  Only you know the right one for you.  Live every day with open eyes and love for everything and everyone, most of all yourself...and pick the path you feel is right for you." 

The path I am choosing is right for me.

WAITING

Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

We wait.  We wait on work to come. We wait on work to be finished.  We wait on people, things, events, daylight, opportunities, doors to open, doors to close, Mr. Right, love, life, happiness, blessings, rain, fate, better health.  We wait.  We wait until the time is right, until the last child graduates college, the mortgage is paid off, relationships begin or end or wait until we have enough time or we get a raise. We wait in lines, in traffic, and we wait to grow up. 

The trick is realizing that life is what is happening while we wait.  My favorite book of all time is Gifts from the Sea  by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Her words resonate today. "The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea. It is Spring.  We plant seeds and we wait.  Each day we rush out to the garden to see if there are green shoots coming out of the warm earth.  We wait.

What happens in the space in between? 

We have plans.  Plans that will come to fruition, if only we wait long enough.  E.M. Forster hit the nail on the head, "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  Or to take it one step further, to have the life we have now, right now. Perhaps this is where we go wrong. What is it we are waiting for that is more important than this moment? 

Time always seems too long if we are waiting. But what is happening is that we are surrendering our entire being to each moment that could have been spent on a happy day.

We are a country that is consummed by hustle and bustle and rush, rush, rush! Yet we still spend an extraordinary amount of time standing around waiting!  What wonderous things are being lost, undiscovered, while we wait?

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

~Carl Sagan

"The man for whom time stretches out painfully is one waiting in vain, disappointed at not finding tomorrow already  - continuing yesterday."                                                                ~Theodor Adorno

Why are you waiting? What are you waiting for? What are you missing while you wait?