Friday, August 17, 2012


What is it about doors and beautiful windows that fascinate me, intrigue me, and draw me to them? 

I have a door with a stained glass window in it.  I have Dutch Doors with a beveled glass oval window. I have a pair of antique painted vibrantly turquoise (my favorite color and stone) doors from a home in Mexico.  One has a hidden window in it, so you could peak out and see who is on the other side, most likely and originally, a front door or a garden courtyard door. 

And then there is stained glass.  I have two panels in my bedroom on either side of the bed windows that came from France, where I spent many a summer.  In my garden room I have stained glass windows from various places that I have frequented. I love hanging them in the windows to catch the light, where I sometimes imagine I am in France sipping a Bordeaux at sunset overlooking a vineyard. The French doors in my garden oasis bring a sense of openness and freedom and yearning to be on the other side.

So what is it about these doors and windows?  There are things that are known and things that are unknown on the other side of each. 

But I want to delve deeper.  I want to know what the attraction is for me, for my life, this one and only one I get.  Flora Whitemore may have answered my question with a simple answer, "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."  Doors and windows are cut out to make a room.  So perhaps it stands to reason if we go past them, to the other side, we will find the life, if we look closely enough, that we are meant to live.  Or perhaps when we are inside the doors and windows, it is then that we find our sanctuary, our solitude, our real life, our authentic selves, as we are able then to visualize what we would like to find on the other side of these openings.

Two days ago, I had a new friend tell me, after reading only a few chapters of my PENNY'S FROM HEAVEN: STORIES OF HEALING book, that I was 'authentic.'  I think that describes me perfectly.  It had never been put quite so succinctly.  I felt honored, vindicated, and humbled.  For all the horrid things that have been said about me, I find that all that matters to me is yes I am 'authentic.' And that is enough.

Doors of imagination!  I love these doors too.  For it is when they are opened that we find vision and the good stuff, the right stuff, to turn our vision and our dreams into reality and then become authentic.  It has been said that small keys open large doors.  I believe this.  For my life has been living proof.

Doors and windows can be an entrance, exit, opportunity, passage, transition, a chance or an attitude.  Sometimes we go through a door and come back in, never to be the same again.  Perhaps we come back in better equipped to understand our relationship to the world.

A door or window can be looked upon as an entrance to somewhere else, an unfathomable mystery might lie on the other side.  Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon said, "There are so many doors to open, I am impatient to begin."  The potential is huge, for each door or window opened has the potential to lead somewhere completely different....a moment of passage perhaps.

So for me, I will think of my beautiful doors and windows as something to go through and back into.  A place of discovery and looking forward and then again a place to return to solitude and peace.

And yes of course, a place to let the dogs in and to let the dogs out...repeatedly throughout the day.  But to so do, I find again this sense of belonging.  Belonging on both sides.  Perhaps this is where my authenticity was born.

And for my warriors with PTSD that live in rooms and houses where the doors are permanently shut and locked, it is my  hope they learn slowly that they have to be slightly braver than they are scared.  They will also learn from the words of Charles Dickens, "A very little key will open a very heavy door."  Perhaps in their case that key is a service dog. 

Today take a moment as you walk through doors. What are your expectations and feelings when you do so? Perhaps you too will find that you have much more room to breathe when you take that step over the threshold.

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