Melting into a place and time where I feel comfort, warmth, peace, and trust, a place where a quiet resignation seems to permeate the room. It isn't a place of wanting or waiting, so much as it is a stillness in the midst of the chaos that has been my life. I am finding this place where there is a feeling of safety and sanity and stillness. A place where I feel comfort, where warm hands seem to engulf me, and I melt into a place and time that I feel security and peace and trust. A place I have waited for for a very long time. As Mary Oliver, my favorite poet of all time says, "the doorway into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak." Today I hear that voice.
Outside the male blackbirds are spreading their wings and performing a courtship dance that would rival a great ballet. The house wrens are busy gathering mulch from my garden to build their nests, and a breeze seems to tickle my arms with a soothing warmth, as I pull weeds that are as tall as I am. The world seems to be awakening to life once again, as the trees are blooming and the leaves are appearing small and tender and a brilliant green. It is spring in South Texas.
Today I celebrate. I celebrate a feeling of freedom and the removal of shackles from my ankles holding me in a place of chaos and solemnity. I too am awakening to a new day and a new life. One where I can make my own choices, instead of having never ending work make them for me as I run in rapid little circles chasing my tail and going nowhere. A place where I wore myself out in pursuit of elusive goals.
Today I feel a power of grace in my life. A power where I am reminded of people, friends and the simple values I cherish that are in my life and my emotional investment in them. For a long time they have been neglected. For a long time I have been neglected by myself.
My office resonates with Bringers of Dawn playing softly in the background and four dogs softly sleeping, waiting patiently for me to awaken them for a romp in the yard to see what new wonders they might find to explore. Or maybe we just all need to lounge in the sun, admiring the beauty of a cloudless Spring day.
What's the big hurry? Life is all about moments, and this is 'the' moment. This is the only moment we are assured of. The to do list will wait.
I think I will go sit in the sun and nap......and just perhaps, with any luck, I will hear that other voice speak~ if I listen closely!