Monday, November 5, 2012


I spent the weekend this way ~ fractured and partly cloudy.  Beautiful weather and blue skies and a November high in the high 70's.  So why was I feeling so low? Or was it depression?  Or was it a change in lifestyle?  Or was it all of the above?

After spending hours and hours each day working on a project for years I decided to 'call it quits'. Life changes. Time changes. But somethings stay the same.  Situations can change. But we try to make everything just as it always has been.  Predictable.  Well life isn't predictable no matter how hard we try.  And maybe it is in it not being predictable that it is just that ~ predictable.
We can't make things be the way we wish they were.  But what we can do it live the life we have, as though it matters. 
I look our 'my' wounded warriors at the VA Polytrauma and thank them for their service and sacrifices, often sacrifices of missing limbs, missing memories, missed youth and growing up way too soon and facing horrible pain every hour of the day.  But without exception they always say one of two things..."No thank you ma'am for what you do!"  Or simply, "No problem."
Then this makes me feel more depressed wondering why I am depressed when they struggle on valiantly from day to day.  To this I quite simply have no answer. 
A quote from a dear friend today in his blog, "You don't choose a life, you live one." Awakening to say the least.  But isn't it in how one chooses to live the one life we are given?  Isn't this the key?
Words from Terry Hershey, "Here's the deal!  Only those of us who choose to learn, to grow, to try, to continue on a journey, to risk and fall down, to get up and try again and to follow their passion willl live wholehearted." 
Okay I'll buy that!  And I guess the key is that the growing, the trying, the risking and falling down isn't always fun, or pleasant, or wanted.  What if you are just plain tired?
I believe it is then that you have to quiet your mind, quiet your days, move past those who have abandoned and hurt you for whatever reason, and find the moments that bring you joy and purpose and dispose of those that are impossible to adjust. Yes there is a great deal we want that we will never have.  Places we want to go and can't.  Days we want the sunshine in our hearts, just not the sky. And days when we want the fractured and partly cloudy skies to clear so that we can live this life, this one life, moment to moment in beauty and peace. 
Today I will try.

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