Sunday, May 8, 2011
WAITING TO WAKE UP
Where do you go when you just need to know that everything is going to be alright? When you are alone, afraid, full of butterflies and what if's? Who is there to just reach out and touch and know that you really aren't alone and that someone is there for you no matter what. Just to softly feel their touch and hear them say that all is going to be fine and to know without a doubt that they will be there for you with a hand and a smile.
People ask how you are and you say 'Well, not so good...I am scared, worried and anxious.' The response is 'Oh, okay.' The subject is changed rapidly, indicating that they didn't expect or want you to say how you really felt. They either don't know how to answer or simply don't care.
Strange this world. We all need mothering I suppose at one time or another. But what if no mother has ever been there for you? What if you don't know what that feels like? Or what if your mother never nurtured you or taught you how to feel compassion and empathy and a deep caring for another person who is struggling and afraid? How do you deal with this? How do you cope?
When my precious golden retriever Penny had limited time left on this earth, Kelsie became her mother. She snuggled close, sometimes seemingly barely touching her for fear she might hurt her. But this warmth and touch was all that was needed for Penny to know that she was cared for and loved and that someone was there for her no matter what. There was no distance between Penny and Kelsie.
It has been said that life is a circle, not a merry-go-round. Sometimes the distance between people is emphasized. It is then that that you come to understand that there are times when a real relationship is not possible. Because in a real relationship compassion requires intimacy - in good times and in bad. Compassion brings people together. When people receive compassion there is an effect on their health. This much I know.
I have a friend who uses the camera to create a separation between the soldiers and herself. This way she keeps the pain at arm's length. This she is honest about. This I can understand. Sometimes there is a fear of being helpless when you know there is nothing you can do. But is that right? Does that make it right? Isn't there always something you can do? Empty spaces with no words needed! There is no need to fill the silence with unnecessary words...sometimes your presence and a hand to hold is the greatest offering.
Whether a soldier or a child or you, we are all waiting to wake up. We all need to feel someone cares deeply for us. When your pain is not recognized, or worse yet ignored, it hurts. My questions is can you be loved unconditionally without this compassion?
We all need someone to be honest with, vulnerable with, sad with, afraid with, a good friend.
Once again I revert to the wisdom in one statement, "There are a few things in life that matter tremendously and most of them can be learned from our dogs."