Monday, February 21, 2011


This morning I want to write.  I have to write.  Yesterday was my birthday.  This morning I am overcome with wanting to eliminate, simplify, remove, clear out, annihilate those things in my life that are unnecessary, cluttering, suffocating, stifling and clogging my existence.

Like Thoreau I want to live on golden pond.  Perhaps a dream, but wanting it is okay.  Wanting it doesn't have to be a dream.  It can be what it is.  It can be in my heart.  For it is in my heart that I can live, and with any luck I will one day soon find myself on this place called golden pond.

Perhaps this is somewhat soulful and secretive. Perhaps too, it is screaming to be released.  To me there is no sound louder than YES!!!

The grand lady of jazz, Ella Fitzgerald said, "Forgive me if I don't have the words.  Maybe I can sing it and you'll understand."  Maybe I can write it, and you will understand.

My life is complicated, as I suspect yours just might be as well.  Too much so.  I sometimes feel out of control of any of it, as it carries me on the same chaotic wave every day. This morning I want to freshen and clean it up, live in each sacred present moment, eliminate that clutter that is often unbearable and find that place where I belong.  Where I can write, where I don't have to hide and dread and fear and where I can escape from the clutter and chaos imposed by myself and others.

I have to 'walk through  the door' alone.  No one can do it for me. 

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
~Winnie the Pooh

Yes, this life we all lead is rich with complications.  We all need moments, times, places and spaces where we do nothing.  Where nothing is asked of us and we can inhale and remember those things and people that are truly important to use.  Those people that are worth keeping in our lives and those that we need to let go of.

For today, I will dust the dog biscuit crumbs off of my sofa, write, dream, love, cherish, and distance myself from those things and those  people whose sole pulse is to drag me down and demolish.  I will remember that each second is a gift and not to be taken for granted or wasted.  For in reality, we never know when the storm is coming.

But is it possible to recover from the clutter that is our lives?  Not just the piles and stacks of stuff, but those things, people, times, noise, aggravations and garbage that drags us down every day in every way.  How can we clean house?  Where do we start?

For me I will follow Teddy Roosevelt's suggestion, "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed."  So I will try!

For me this fearsome chaos and clutter is anesthetizing to the soul.  It jades and blocks and makes us paranoid.  It can cool us and distance us and leave us hard of heart.  I see it over and over and over again...those who swallow a stone become a stone! 

Perhaps the answer lies in doing nothing.  Sitting and doing nothing.  My mantra is, "If you don't know the right nothing."  So today I do nothing.  The answers will come.  For if I don't attend to my own wounds, I have no capacity for those of others.  If I refuse to rest, take care of myself, declutter my existence then how can I be there for anyone else?

No comments:

Post a Comment