Monday, July 19, 2010


A friend on 'facebook' this morning had written that it was Sunday, he blinked and the weekend was over. I understand! 

There is a pile of paper at the top of my stairs and has been there for five days, waiting quietly to just be carried downstairs to be filed away.  There are light bulbs in a package to put into the light fixture hanging from the second floor over the front porch, waiting patiently to be changed out for a week.  There is a sprinkler head in the yard that is broken spraying water into the street.  Yes, you guessed it, waiting.  There are vitamins in a little wooden dish in the kitchen waiting to be taken - four days ago.  And my desk, well that is another matter!  Piles and piles of stuff unaccomplished.  Piles growing deeper, with seemingly less being accomplished. 

A friend suggested 'I stop talking and start doing.'  I wanted to hit him.  Sometimes we go as fast as we can.  We cram as much as we can into 24 hours and it still isn't enough.  We prioritize and get to the point where perhaps we need to write on our calendar that there are 15 minutes on Monday morning when we can fit in a headache. But you know what?  Sometimes we even run out of time to do that.

How much in tune are we with our daily lives?  How do we protect our internal energy? What is most important to us?  Changing a light bulb, cleaning up a desk, or being present for those who we love and who need us?  What is our place in all of this? How do we juggle all of these balls that sometimes, seemingly, take the joy away?  What do we do then? 

Introspection leads to yet more things unaccomplished.  How many people do we allow to take away our time, our energy?  Perhaps this introspection, that yes, can lead to important changes and insight, can also keep us from getting on with the business of living.  Our thoughts, our energies, what we focus on all have energy consequences...good or bad.

Should we become forever sidetracked by challenging occurences and give away our inner silence, our peace?  That place inside that forever seems to clutter up our thinking.  It is the details of life that suffocate our days. Somehow the important things go unnoticed.  Unnoticed until you are buried in them.

We take care of others and that must be done, but at what cost to ourselves? Where are our moments of peace?

Yesterday I cancelled many things to spend the morning at the ice rink to be one of only a handful of cheerleaders for our local Rampage sled hockey team, where amputees had a three day weekend of intense training.  As I watched these military heroes, facing a team from Walter Reed Medical Center in Washington D.C. on the ice, I was glad I had left the responsibilities of the details of my life at home. Josh one of 'my' soldiers who lost both legs in Iraq, smiled and said "I saw you up there in the stands."  That was all I needed! 

Saturday I spent all day at a Yellow Ribbon Event in Austin at the Renaissance Hotel in the Arboretum for 400 deploying troops.  I met soldier after soldier who were humbled by something as basic to our existence as a dog.  SPC. Scott C. wrote, "My favorite part of attending Yellow Ribbon events is petting the dogs from Penny's From Heaven." 

Friday I spent the afternoon and early evening at the airport as 'medical escort' for SSGT Kim I. with her PTSD Support Dog from VetDogs in NY.  She had been there for 16 days training with this dog who is the first PTSD Support Dog in the state of Texas.  At 'baggage claim' we were met with five television crews!  Kim was exhausted but wanted to share the great news of how "Bosley" had already changed her life. And how the nightmares and flashbacks and sleepwalking and barracading herself in her closet and in clothes racks at the local superstore and being sent into horrible panic attacks by the sound of fireworks are over...or at least manageable with Bosley by her side.

There are some times and some things that  are more important.  There are always going to be details left undone, stuff that constantly and repetitively nags at us, but in the long run what really matters is that we are true to ourselves and true to those people that love us and need us. 

Okay so today I have to schedule a headache and attack the piles and piles of important stuff on my desk.  Will the laundry get folded?  Will the dishwasher get emptied?  Will the sprinkler head get fixed?  I doubt it.  But you know what that is okay, for in the long run I know where I am needed and what I am supposed to be doing and exactly why I am here.  So I will walk over the pile of paper and look at the insistently nagging lightbulbs and face the day with whatever I can give it and with whatever I can give back.  And I thank God for my life and for allowing me to be the me I am supposed to be...messes and all!

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