Thursday, July 12, 2012
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE HURT TO THE CORE?
I have been off of the web for several days and Pockets of Peace has eluded me. Hope you haven't forgotten this little blog spot, but I too sometimes fall into a mass of clutter in my life and find that I must step back, assess, and remember how to breathe and what really matters in this glorious gift called life.
Being battered, lied to, betrayed, assaulted, sued, and used as a pawn over and over and over again, as well as learning some really horrible things about a person I once trusted, is, at least for a time, debilitating. Kinda been a trend in my life, that I never get used to it. I trust too easily. I believe people. You would think by now, my track record would have bonked me on the head and said, "Hey listen to your gut." But what if don't hear the messages from that place deep inside that says, "Beware"?
As one trusts humanity to be kind, trustworthy, loving and compassionate when the ax falls, it is with a pain like none other. All too sadly, this ax hit not only me, but multiple other people, as well as our warriors who deserved it least of all.
I wish the words in the box above could be heard and felt by the perpetrator, but I feel certain they could care less. To injure, wound, and intentionally hurt someone is without justice. I only have to believe that somewhere down the line they will be paid back, but in this particular case, I have my most sincere doubts.
So here's the deal. What do you do? How do you get past it? The lies, the deceit, the theft, the pain, and the anger. "Before you hurt someone~ feel." Okay but what if that person has no feelings and can't feel, or care about, the damage they are doing to another person(s)? A sociopath personality. I am sorry but I can't understand why. Why anyone would intentionally lie and steal and cheat and deceive wounded warriors, who deserve it least of all. To see our warriors being manipulated like puppets on a string has killed me. I will get past this eventually, but will our warriors?So this is where I have been. Under covers with my beautiful golden girl Kelsie. Trying to cry it out, release the pain, and find a way to go on. Today I feel like my guts have been ripped out and put back in all wrong. I want to feel forgiveness, but sorry not yet. Having multiple people that I trusted to be my friends, turn against me because of this person's manipulations has hurt deeply. But this person is a pro. They know exactly how to twist people around their little finger until they are no longer able to think for themselves. Then treat the entire thing as a game! Forgiveness no...forget no. Not now, not yet. I am tied in knots and trying to hang on.
When I took on TADSAW and PENNY'S FROM HEAVEN FOUNDATION, INC. I did so with a purity of heart and a compassion that was overwhelming for those in need, those hurting, those lost, those in pain, those in anguish, those dying, those in emotional and mental turmoil. So why, someone tell me please, would decades of doing the right thing for the right reasons be convoluted into the nightmare in which I reside at this moment?