Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Mustang Island......where the hardest decision is what color nail polish to select for a pedicure, choosing between a lunch of Shrimp and Grits Sliders over Crab Cakes, or deciding to eavesdrop on muted conversations about Tommy Lee Jones' frequent visits to the island! It restores my soul and somewhat softens the tedious and painful lumps and bumps of life back in reality.
I was on the eleventh floor of a highrise condo. From the balcony, I saw this lady walking what appears to be a well seasoned golden retriever. This scene captured my heart and held on tight. She or he, looks so much like my golden girl, now gone from my life for almost two years. The lump in my throat was more than noticeable as I remembered places and spaces with "Penny" and how her muzzle turned white and her steps slowed, and how I treasured each moment spent with her in her final days. I often wonder if she looks down upon the PENNY'S FROM HEAVEN FOUNDATION and realizes her legacy. A legacy filled with wonder and delight and smiles and tears from patients remembering dogs from days past from a furry bright spot that suddenly entered their lives for a moment.
It isn't always easy letting go. It can be grueling! It can shake you to your bones and cause you to quiver in doubt of the future. Then I remember a greeting card in a gift shop on the island that simply read, "You are not Atlas carrying the world on your shoulder. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you." ~Vandana Shiva
Maybe sometimes curling up into a tight little ball is okay. Maybe pulling the covers back over your head works. But in the end you have to get up and face the day, the problems, the pain and the unanswered questions. Maybe the answers will come, maybe not. But in between the questions and the answers lies life! You have to learn when to hold on tight and when to stop rushing, pushing and manipulating. You need to learn to say 'no' so your 'yes' has some oomph! Taking one step at a time isn't so bad. Baby steps can lead you where you are supposed to be, not rushing to find a place where you are not supposed to be.
As for this morning, I want to curl up in a ball and sleep. A dreary morning back at my desk with piles and piles of work to do, meetings coming up, and as Robert Frost said, "miles to go before I sleep." I am quivering today. Today the planet has to carry me.