BUNKER DAYS

"Rules!~Hell, there are no rules here...we're trying to accomplish something." ~Thomas Edison

A drink of emotional devotion.  We all need a big swallow once in a while. Sometimes we aren't so fun to live with and sometimes we are downright obnoxious.  We always have a reason, whether warranted or not to have, what I call, "A BUNKER DAY".  You know the day where you want to pull the covers over your head and kick the world, and everyone in it, out the door.  A common PTSD reaction to stress!

I have never been one to feel that I had to be important in order to feel that I have significance.  Quite the contrary.  I know I have significance each time a warrior with PTSD sends me an email telling me, " I don't know what I would have done if I had not found you guys!"  This is of great important, in other words significance, for me.  There is a rich and free enjoyment of my advantages to be able to do this. For this I am abundantly grateful. The time I have on this earth, I intend on spending wisely and fully.  And most of the time exhaustedly!

So today I look at this cup being held by a wounded warrior plowing through the hell of PTSD with Cocoa by his side!  He wrote me and told me he was able to drive for the first time with Miss Cocoa by his side.  And to celebrate they stopped for a refreshment!!  Perhaps Tom Sobal was correct when he wrote, "Pain is weakness leaving the body."  Maybe we all have to go through pain to surface again stronger than ever before.  Perhaps these "Bunker Days" are as necessary as a cup of coffee or 'Cocoa' for all of us.

When I asked an author friend about what he did when he was 'bone tired.'  He said, "Somedays I want to live. Somedays I don't.  Somedays when I write a little bit I'm okay.  If I write a lot, I'm better.  I write to find out who I am." 

So today I write.  I eat a little chocolate.  I sit in the garden and listen to the doves cooing and watch the sun begin to set a little earlier.  I think of my friend and thank him for giving me permission to pull the covers over my head and close my bunker door.  Because he knows, as well as I, that soon I will be out again, just as I know he will.

Not too long ago I was railing against my schedule.  I am not paid for these 12-15 hour days.  I am a volunteer for goodness sakes.  Why do I do this?  The answer rolled off of my tongue before I knew what I had said.  I do this because I have no choice.  My entire life has lead me to this time and place.  And I do not have a choice.  I dream without fear.

Randy Pausch said, "It's not how hard you hit.  It's how hard you get hit, and keep moving."  I choose to keep moving. He continued that we have a 'finite period of time.  Whether short or long, it doesn't matter.  Life is to be lived.' 

Today I choose to live in the bunker!  Today there are successes and values in life that are greater than just coming out on top. Today is to rejuvenate myself for my warriors!