ARE YOU EXTRAORDINARY

We can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart! 

What amazing words.  Think about them.  This can pertain to relationships, marriages, families, friendships, battle buddies, businesses  and organizations.  I for one won't settle for anything but the extraordinary.

People come and go in our lives but those that stay, those that stick by us, those that have our backs, those that help us make that difference that we couldn't make without them, and those that are steadfast in their support of us, prompt us to be extraordinary! 

"Great minds have purposes; others have wishes."

~Washington Irving

Sometimes we are balanced and sometimes we aren't.  There is no magic formula.  But if we are lucky, if we are blessed, there are those surrounding us that provide the props for us when we feel wobbly.  Sometimes we break and have to heal.  And during these times we have to realize that it will take as long as it will take, and  we need to delight in the friends that hold our hands during the journey. 

Who has been there for you when you are healing? This question prompted me to contemplate the following.

Maya Angelou said, " When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."  This is a hard lesson to learn, but with age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the reality that this statement could not be more true. The more I witness and experience,  the more I realize that there is a lack of willingness in many to give with no expectation of receiving anything in return. To me this is an instant mirror to their minds.  Ouch...that is an eye opener isn't it?

 Recovering from one surgery and two weeks later being told I need another next week caused me to crumble.  But does that help?  I am tired.  I am worn out.  I am disgusted. I have 'stuff' to do...books to write, appointments, warriors who need me, sadly I am flattened. But it is what it is.  So today I write.

Leo Rosten must have read my mind when he said, "The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved.  And that perhaps, is what makes him different from others."  For those that choose to be ordinary, go for it.  I for one choose the extraordinary.  I get one shot at this life, and I plan on taking those that also choose to be extraordinary with me!

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"Talk sense to a fool, and he calls you foolish."

~Euripides

"Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.  It takes a touch of genius ~ and a lot of courage ~ to move in the opposite direction.

~Albert Einstein

THROUGH BROKEN GLASSES

There are times when we are forced to stop. To simply stop. To let go. To take care of ourselves. To remember how to breathe. To nurture no one else but ourselves. 

I have learned this recently, or perhaps more importantly, relearned this.  In recovery mode for two weeks after minor surgery, I have been given a great deal of time to rest, to sleep, to discover those people who are really there for me - there for me no matter what, asking nothing, simply being present. 

"Often the most loving thing we can do when a friend is in pain is to share the pain...to be there even when we have nothing to offer except our presence and even when being there is painful to ourselves." ~M. Scott Peck

In these hours and hours of reflection, I have come to some rather interesting disjointed conclusions.  So here goes!

Sometimes we are looking for obstacles rather than magic. Don't we all put up walls and barricades at points in our lives that prevent us from experiencing life, living life, having the life we deserve? I for one am going revel in the magic!

Sometimes we have to work through the stress in our lives to find that all along balance is the key.  We need to resist the tendency to look at life through broken glasses.  Everything is not wrong!  We need to make the effort to appreciate the blessings, for it is in balancing the scales that we gain perspective and the ability to handle whatever comes our way.

Sure there are times when we get battered and bruised, and it is in these times that we have to simply say to ourselves that 'it could always be worse.' 

People don't always rise to our expectations and disappoint and demolish our once highly held admiration. People will come and dangle a carrot in front of us and just when we are ready to grasp it, they suddenly show you who they really are. 

"Speak quietly to yourself and promise there will be better days.  Whisper gently to yourself and provide assurance that you really are extending your best effort.  Console your bruised and tender spirit with reminders of many other successes.  Offer comfort in practical and tangible ways ~ as if you were encouraging your dearest friend.  Recognize that on certain days the greatest grace is that the day is over and you get to close your eyes.  Tomorrow comes more brightly.
  ~Mary Ann Radmacher

I also came to the conclusion, or realization if you will, that it is because we have not attended to the wounds in ourselves that we have no capacity for the pain of others.  Because we ourselves have too often refused to heal, we cannot heal others.  It is a fearsome carousel when we anesthetize ourselves.  It can block us and color us and make us paranoid.  And on and on the circle goes.  These are the people whose hearts become hardened. These are the people who are stuck. 

It has been said that those who swallow a stone become a stone!  The question then remains, once battered, how shall we learn to live again?  Perhaps the answer can be found in a quote from Maria Robinson.  "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

So upon deep reflection and observation of those who sat close by as I healed, I stand staunchly by my beliefs.  I will continue to strive to bring a glimmer, a glimpse, of peace and solace and comfort to those who need it the most.  I resolve to rescue a breaking heart or a crushed spirit or soul in need.  And I will remind myself that, if it were easy everyone would be doing it.

"You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person standing behind in line or sitting next to you on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you've been waiting for to fall into place."

~Anthony Robbins

It just can't get much better than that. 

So today when I go to the doctor and he asks how I have been doing, I probably won't tell him the whole story, but I will tell him that it has been a journey I shall not regret ~ or forget!



WAITING TO WAKE UP

Where do you go when you just need to know that everything is going to be alright?  When you are alone, afraid,  full of butterflies and what if's? Who is there to just reach out and touch and know that you really aren't alone and that someone is there for you no matter what.  Just to softly feel their touch and hear them say that all is going to be fine and to know without a doubt that they will be there for you with a hand and a smile.

People ask how you are and you say 'Well, not so good...I am scared, worried and anxious.'  The response is 'Oh, okay.' The subject is changed rapidly, indicating that they didn't expect or want you to say how you really felt.  They either don't know how to answer or simply don't care.

Strange this world.  We all need mothering I suppose at one time or another.  But what if no mother has ever been there for you?  What if you don't know what that feels like? Or what if your mother never nurtured you or taught you how to feel compassion and empathy and a deep caring for another person who is struggling and afraid? How do you deal with this?  How do you cope?

When my precious golden retriever Penny had limited time left on this earth, Kelsie became her mother.  She snuggled close, sometimes seemingly barely touching her for fear she might hurt her.  But this warmth and touch was all that was needed for Penny to know that she was cared for and loved and that someone was there for her no matter what. There was no distance between Penny and Kelsie. 

It has been said that life is a circle, not a merry-go-round.  Sometimes the distance between people is emphasized.  It is then that that you come to understand that there are times when a real relationship is not possible.  Because in a real relationship compassion requires intimacy - in good times and in bad.  Compassion brings people together. When people receive compassion there is an effect on their health.  This much I know.   

I have a friend who uses the camera to create a separation between the soldiers and herself.  This way she keeps the pain at arm's length.  This she is honest about.  This I can understand.  Sometimes there is a fear of being helpless when you know there is nothing you can do.  But is that right? Does that make it right? Isn't there always something you can do?  Empty spaces with no words needed!  There is no need to fill the silence with unnecessary words...sometimes your presence and a hand to hold is the greatest offering.

Whether a soldier or a child or you, we are all waiting to wake up.  We all need to feel someone cares deeply for us.  When your pain is not recognized, or worse yet ignored, it hurts.  My questions is can you be loved unconditionally without this compassion?

We all need someone to be honest with, vulnerable with, sad with, afraid with, a good friend.

Once again I revert to the wisdom in one statement, "There are a few things in life that matter tremendously and most of them can be learned from our dogs."

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN?

What do you do when? When the sky is falling Chicken Little?  When everything you counted on is crumbling?  When anticipation of an event either good or scary evaporates into thin air?  What happens when you gather your troops around you and you aren't sure if they are really there or not?

I for one withdraw. I find a time for downtime, time to do nothing. I try to find the abundance already existing in my life.  I try to focus on the simplest of luxuries that could cheer me, such as an hour of Tourandot, a pint of chocolate fudge ice cream, a yummy soft blanket and a snugly dog on the bed with me.  I know the lack of abundance in my life often comes from worry, fretting, anxiety, deprivation of sleep and an excess of pain, both physical and mental.  Lack of time and energy and little to no time with loved ones causes me to stumble and wobble and compete with my new progressive lens to find my way.

What do you do when the people you once totally relied on appear to be slipping further and further away?  What do you do when you feel your life is slipping away? I expend a tremendous amount of time on caring for others.  Tally this against what I expend on myself!  One provides me with  happiness and a light feeling...the other a feeling of fear that sometimes is hard to get rid of.  So yes I, like most of you I would imagine, have one foot in both worlds. What should we do when we need a shoulder to lean on and it just isn't there? Excuses don't work in this space.

A difficult person or circumstance causes us to feel things we don't want to feel.  So do we change the way we respond to them?  Or does that worsen it? Or do we walk away? I want to be awakened this morning with an internal AHHAH!  I want the answers.  So perhaps, if I listen and pay attention the answers will come.  They always seem to don't they? We expect one thing and it doesn't materialize.  We tell ourselves that, "I guess it just wasn't meant to be."  But was it?  Did I mess it up?

George Orwell said, "Happiness can exist only in acceptance."  Rats!  Sometimes I don't like accepting things the way they are.  I want to fight and rail against them.  Instead I turn inward and try and hide from the pain.  I found out a long time ago that bodies heal, but the spirit and soul can take much longer.  Nothing happens by mistake.

When is it time to let go? When is it time to untie yourself from the negative?  From the people that say one thing and do another.

So as was said in "Meet Joe Black" ~ "I am looking for that whisper or thrill that there is no sense living your life without."

For me caring for 'my' warriors is sacred.  I am not motivated by how good I am doing.  I am just helping one person one dog at a time. This is when I feel most alive.  Perhaps that is all I need or should need.

But on the other hand Buddhist tradition asks, how can we put anything new or more into an already full cup.  So it seems that when I am feeling empty and alone, I am in a cycle where I have to find a place to go and reflect and prepare for a new cycle.  So today I will realize that dreams don't come true all the time.  And that instead of being the victim, I will be empowered to move on to the good things that just might be around the corner.  The place between ''no longer and not yet." I will let go and trust the mystery.  For the music is made by the space between the notes.



AN ASSAULT TEAM

Life speaks to all of us.  We don't always hear.

As the wounded warriors pass through my life, I have come to realize that we all go through times where we don't feel blessed.  It is only later that we discover where the blessing is. Where it has been hiding, until we awaken to find it. The bad thing is not a blessing, but the misfortunes can be turned into blessings. 

For me, I am not unlike anyone else.  My mission, if you will, is to love these warriors through it.  I have incredible back up.  I have amazing dog trainers who aren't envious of each other. They are working together as a team with a mission. They quite simply see the job at hand, feel the anguish of the warriors, and go on about their jobs, training a dog to save a warrior.  I have an equally amazing head of TADSAW (Train a Dog~Save a Warrior) who gets it - the pain, the drive, the frustration, the passion. We all have gifts that no one else has.  Together we form an assault team.  Together it works, as we start to repair the brokenness one person at a time.

The courage exuded by these wounded warriors comes, but not always in a straight line.  I find myself asking repeatedly, where does their courage come from.   Preposterous as it might sound in a back handed sort of way, helping people with things that matter to them brings me some of the happiest days of my life.  A warrior who has experienced hell hasn't escaped from the horror of it, just because he/she is home.  This is the time when they send out a silent, or perhaps a not so silent, prayer saying, "Help me. I can't do it alone." This is when they pick up the phone and with a quivering voice ask us for help. Mission accomplished.

Then they find there is a dog, standing close by saying, "Show me what it is you want me to do."  It is then the answer comes.  Sometimes life speaks to us and we don't always hear.  It is bigger than the warrior and the dog.  It is about life lessons.  It's about struggles, pain, laughter, love, healing and about paying attention to those who need us the most.  Strangers living and struggling the best they can often give up.  It as at this time that we have no choice but to step in and give back.  Exposing and discovering the truth and filling their hearts with hope and a little dog has no guarantees, but it is all we have to give. 

But suffice it to say,  the odds are in their favor.  This dog becomes a secuirty blanket wrapped around the warrior.  Struggling with chronic depression, isolation, and fear, the warrior might find his dog upside down on the sofa wanting nothing more than a belly rub. Or standing at the foot of the bed with the leash in his mouth, as if to say, "Okay let's get outta here and talk a walk in the fresh air."  It is then that peace and sanctuary are found in the most uncomplicated unbelieveable place. You see the dog doesn't give up on the warrior. No matter what, they are team and there is a kind of recentering that takes place.  It is then that it is time to 'let go'.  It is then that we see that home has nothing to do with a house.

The dog provides a gift of freedom and shelter that these men and women so desparately fought for.  It is then that we all should gasp!  For it is then that we are looking smack dab into the middle of courage.

So for today...take a stand. Even if you are the only one.  There are people out there who are waiting for you, needing you more than you will ever imagine.

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"Great things are done when men and mountains meet."

~William Blake

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Please help us help a warrior.

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE CARE

"NEVER DOUBT THAT A SMALL GROUP OF COMMITTED PEOPLE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.  INDEED, IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT EVER HAS ." ~ UNKNOWN

It is the degree of character.  It is the depth of commitment.  It is devotion.  It is the quality of your service.  It is your passion. It is your ability to care. 

In a hundred years, it won't matter what kind of car you drive, what size house you live in, or what your bank balance might be.  What will matter is that you made a difference in a life. That you cared enough about someone, other than yourself, to understand the honor in giving.  And that, that honor is enough. 

How often do you see people standing on the sidelines?  Watching, observing, doing nothing. They grumble and complain and turn up their noses at society, the government, the life they live.  They make noise but do nothing.

Making a difference is a marriage of the people who care, who contribute the best that they have toward creating a person, a world, that is substantially improved because they cared.  This caring carries with it peace.  To many, many who have only known suffering and pain and whose spirits are beaten, it is up to us to help them find peace.  Albert Camus said, " Peace is the only battle worth waging."  People don't get better because you talk about it.  They get better because you cared enough to help them, to reach our your hand and offer your heart.  To be there for them when they are struggling.  To be there for them when they hurt, are in pain, are afraid, are alone.  Be there for them with a hand to hold and a heart that hears and understands.

This is what Penny's From Heaven Foundation and Train a Dog ~ Save a Warrior is predicated upon.  Being there.  Being present.  Answering the call for help when it comes.

A young woman, a former medic, from OIF called me yesterday.  She wants to save her marriage, her family, her life.  She wants a life.  A life free of fear, free of anxiety.  She wants to go to her daughter's graduation on a plane that she is not afraid of getting on.  She wants to be able to stand in the airport in the Vermont hub and see 'boots on the ground' heading off to Iraq/Afghanistan without fearing for their future and becoming paralyzed with a panic attack.

I listened.  I heard.  She said she had called at least ten other organizations advertising service dogs for PTSD.  They either did not answer, they didn't care, were too busy to listen, an answer phone picked up, or they wanted money, and it would take years.  How sad.

Within 30 minutes three people from TADSAW (Train a Dog ~ Save a Warrior) had called her, talked to her, and listened.  She now has hope.  What a huge word that is!  Hope.  For 6 years she has continued the battle that came home with her from Iraq.  She hid it from her husband.  She struggled with this hell alone.  Now she has his support and she has been given the gift of hope.

Those who have borne the battle, carried it home, need our help. If we can offer a dog that will open a door to a new and less fearful life, it is our honor. Perhaps now she will not have to go inside herself to nurse her wounds.  

Our warriors returning with PTSD try to escape their thoughts, their feelings, having to think or escape themselves.  They fear being alone, the cell phone, a restaurant, a shop.  They connect to everyone but themselves.  So when things break up and fences fall over and desperation and powerlessness slink in, TADSAW is here.  And perhaps, just perhaps with a service dog by their side life will not be quite so bad.  Don't we owe them that much? 

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www.tadsaw.org

Please contribute and help us save a warrior.

SITTING IN AMAZEMENT

Each Spring for as long as I can remember, the tree ducks fly in like clockwork. When they arrive, you can  almost hear the sound of trumpets, heralding the beginning of a new season.  The neighbors are alerted and phone calls begin.  There is a frenzy created, as eyes peaking out of windows watch for which neighborhood tree  will be blessed with the nesting couple. Here in the middle of suburbia we have ducks nesting in trees.  Not such a big deal to some I suppose, but to us it is.

A few nights ago they landed on my neighbor's roof.  I sat in my back yard, camera focused to record the event.  They stood almost posing for me, their old friend, almost as if to say 'How's it been? Long winter huh?'

As I sat there I  observed, contemplated, and wondered with amazement.  Where had they spent the winter?  How do they consistently find their way back to the same state, city, neighborhood, street, and tree each year?  I had no answers, but only to marvel and be amazed. 

It is mysterious this phenomena. It is my deepest belief that he who cannot sit in amazement and feel this emotion is seriously lacking. Albert Einstein said, "The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious.  It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.  He who knows it not and can no longer wonder, no longer feel amazement, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out can."  Who am I to disagree?

Today, this Easter Sunday, I invite you to sit in amazement.  Amazement at the smallest details that surround you. Sometimes reality is better than television, movies, and yes, even dreams. Defined as a state of wonderment, surprise or astonishment, amazement is a beautiful thing.  It can be captured in the complex and in the most simplistic.  But don't allow yourself to miss out.  Today be amazed!

Happy Easter.